Little drops of water..

Image courtesy of @crazyheadcomics (IG)

When it is so easy to spend the whole day in bed and at the same time feel I have done so much just being awake, it is easy to see any one of these as a major achievement. I fight the feeling of self-judgement and try to appreciate my own little effort to remember to do most of these although to tell the truth, days spent in bed nowadays are few and very far-between! Thank God!

Just me

I put these here as a reminder to myself that I am still me even when I don’t feel whole, when I feel discouraged, I can still look at myself and recognise myself. Sometimes it feels like I can’t possibly be the same person who feels this rough on the inside but looking at these I know there’s still hope, I can be beautiful and bright and flowery maybe not all the time but now, these make me feel lighter.

On a night like this

I have gone from pretty damn comfortable to a working mom-of-one who is striving to make things work in her favour in quite a short time so some things are a bit difficult for me to understand or accept now. For example why I can’t just go to the movies if I wish (the cinemas in Lagos are permanently blaring and babies might be at risk of permanent hearing loss) I wish I were joking. Secondly why I can’t just spend a little money on something selfish like sushi or a pair of shoes I’ll never wear. Thirdly the fact that I have to be at home from about 7pm or 10 if I’m being a daredevil. I guess now, I’m responsible for more than just my life, my safety, my wellness and my interests. I have to feed, clothe, cuddle and chastise a little one who I care the most about so it’s a pretty serious job. When I think of it like that it’s easy to understand but sometimes I just see a picture or two of things I can no longer indulge in and I seem so far away from what I was and who I used to be. I’m happier now and I’m healthier now, so I definitely isn’t a fair comparison. I care about me more now so I guess I have a o work on getting that mulah and getting back to the same level of comfort I was at. So there really is nothing to miss after all

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